11/28/2022 0 Comments Resolutions: To Do Them Or Not?Why Do We Fail At Keeping Our New Resolutions?After thanksgiving, comes Christmas. For many of us, there are holidays in between and birthdays, office parties, informal gatherings and basically every excuse to eat, drink and be excessive. Then New Year’s Eve and the actual New Year. By the time the new-year begins, it’s time to set impossibly high expectations for the coming year. In comes the new resolutions! While our intentions are good, many of us do not keep up with resolutions because the energy and drive is wrong. You ate too much and now your resolution is to lose weight. You met old friends and family you haven’t seen in a while and now you want to look as good as they do. Did you run into your ex over the holidays? Has he or she has grown in wealth, career or relationships compared to you? You set the resolution to be in a relationship, get promoted and be better. The problems is, we set ourselves to fail when we fail to plan and match our energy to our desire. “Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics” - Albert Einstein I’m not trying to help you set a bunch of resolutions nor deter you. But I believe we can change our mindset on how we approach new-year goals and our measurement of success, laying each goal at the altar using the W2H2 method - What, Why, How and How Long method. What do you want to change? Name your goal. You have to hear it and internalize it. However, the goal has to be more than vague. For example, if you say your goal is weight loss, then you have to specify that further. How many pounds do you want to lose? Which diet do you want to follow? Which exercises will you take part in? You will need to prepare by doing some research. I personally have tried many diets and exercises. The only time I had some form of success was when I did KETO – although it’s not for everyone. So as an example, this is how you would outline your goal: To lose 5-10 pounds, using the KETO diet and walking at least 20 minutes daily. Why do you want this as your goal? Any goals you wish to set must be fortified with your passion reason – your WHY. It cannot be for another person. It has to be your innate want and need that would be beneficial to you and without outside influence. For example, ‘I want to lose weight so I can take control of my health and improve it.’ How will you achieve this goal? It may look like repetition of the first one (in the WHAT section) - but it is necessary. This bolsters the information you have on the achievability of the goal and the steps you will carry. Outline the steps and refine them. Start with outlining each day of your week. When will you make time in each day to take your walks or chosen exercise? You have chosen a diet – which day will you dedicate to food prep? You must be realistic and true to your plan, otherwise it will not work. Remember, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. How long will you take? What’s your timeline? Any resolution worth its salt has to be seen not as a time-barred practice but has to become a way of life. So everything you do has to be in line with long-term planning. After all, lasting results are impossible to achieve in the short-term. If you don’t set your goals to be an on-going journey, you will give up easily. The best way to ensure the journey is working is to set up milestones. List them and be as realistic as possible. Did you just lose the first 2 pounds? Did you graduate from two thousand to ten thousand steps? Mark every achievement and reward yourself in preparation for another journey towards the next one. ‘Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed!’ – Cavett Robert Do you want to set your goals for the new-year? Do you need help doing so or starting an outline of the same? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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Triggers and Survival points until you get a better option
Toxic work culture is a term used to describe a workplace environment that exhibits behaviors and norms that are harmful or uncomfortable. Toxic cultures contribute to marginalization of women at work, leading to lower pay, less access to challenging roles, and less power. The effects can extend beyond women lives - when women feel like they are members of a group support system and not individuals, it makes it harder for them to speak up about injustice. Generally, a poor work environment has a negative impact on the well-being of both women and men. If not managed, toxic behavior can impact the organization strategic goals, productivity and morale. It can also increase employee turnover and lower profits. It is well-documented that women in the workplace are often subject to abusive treatment, harassment and inappropriate remarks. Eventually, a toxic work environment is more likely to have a worse impact on women mental health than men. Women have reported toxic cultures contribute to women getting lower pay, less access to challenging roles, and less power. If it’s not managed, toxic behavior can impact the organizations strategic goals, productivity and morale. It can also increase employee turnover and lower profits. Additionally, it can affect people at all levels, including the CEO. A company with a toxic climate for women is not a healthy workplace, and neither are the cultures that result. The best way to prevent this is through communication and education, so everyone understands why it is important to be fair to each other, regardless of gender or race. This goal is achievable in small steps by communicating better with each other and having regular meetings where any issues arising can be discussed openly. So how do you identify toxicity at work? What are some of the triggers?
So what do you do? While the above list is small and doesn’t fully cover all possible scenarios, If you identify yourself in any of the above triggers, you now know you are in a toxic environment. Unfortunately, your main option may be to keep your head down and seek new employment. However, you can also take a few steps to quietly protect your self, as you seek other employment options:-
Google also has free educational resources (Free Online Marketing Courses From Google) you may use to boost your resume and give you better employment options. The name of the game is OPTIONS.
While the solutions are easier said than done, you can give your best attempt to ensure that you survive the toxic environment and come out of that situation better. Everything is a lesson and an opportunity to succeed. Start your job search to escape the toxic times but whatever you do, remember your mental health is important. Guard it. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 8/25/2022 0 Comments The 6 Stages of ForgivenessWe open the discussion on why forgiveness is such a challenge and navigate where you may be on the forgiveness ladder, if you are struggling with un-forgiveness.What are the Stages of Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a word that is used by many but it is difficult to do at times. At the end of reading this article, I hope that you will be able to identify where you are on the forgiveness scale, and where you need to be to live on the path of forgiveness. This includes not just forgiving others, but also yourself. If you google the word forgive you will get the following definitions; · To pardon · To stop feeling angry or resentful · To no longer wish punishment on someone who has wronged or angered you. So Forgiveness is the act of forgiving someone who has done something wrong. It is a process that can take time and effort. It’s important to say this:- Forgiveness is not about forgetting or excusing the wrongdoing, but about releasing feelings of anger and resentment, so that you are no longer consumed by bitterness and anger. So it goes without saying, un-forgiveness is the opposite of these. You don’t want to pardon a person, you still feel resentful and angry, and you want to punish one who has hurt you. The website bibleversespro.com describes un-forgiveness as “the root of bitterness which most frequently happens when someone emotionally steals something from us and doesn’t allow us to reclaim it.” But have you ever known that lacking forgiveness has a negative effect on your body, mind, and spirit? Johns Hopkins Medicine cites un-forgiveness as causing illness brought about by emotional stress. These include “Chronic anger which puts you into a fight-or-flight mode and results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease, and diabetes, among other conditions.” Un-forgiveness causes mental health issues A study by Worthington and Scherer (2004), concluded that “un-forgiveness is a type of stress response, which has a direct impact on the mental health and psychology of a person. The study also suggests that un-forgiveness can be viewed as a state in which a person is confined in a stressful state of mind” Spiritually, Christians say that un-forgiveness causes a block wall between a person and God. For healing to happen in your life, you must look to find forgiveness. But where do you begin? Let’s set the scene — you just got angry. Maybe your friend betrayed you. Or your partner lied to you. The searing emotions are bubbling underneath and you can feel your heart rate go up. You are at the bottom of the forgiveness ladder. Stage 1 — Anger & Un-forgiveness At this level, rational thought is out of the window — everything is raw. The anger and the deep feelings of disappointment are controlling your emotions, your reactions, and your opinions about this person and everything else. Unfortunately, most people stay at the bottom of the ladder and it takes a lot of healing to put one foot on the ladder and start the journey to forgiveness. To put your foot on the ladder, you must acknowledge that you are angry, emotionally affected, and hurt. This stage is the beginning of the forgiveness journey. The second stage is acceptance and admittance of hurt. Believe it or not many people don’t like admitting they are angry and hurt. They feel it’s synonymous with accepting that a person has power over them and their emotions. You cannot forgive if you are in denial. Stage 3 — Examination, Evaluation & Questioning Once you are in acceptance, the next stage is threefold; examination, evaluation, and questioning. .What has happened to put you in this emotional state? .Was what happened intentional? .Was it your fault? .Was it fair? .Was it something you can change or correct? .Was your reaction too big or too much in comparison to what occurred? Stage 4 is — Conversation This is also hard because you may need to have a conversation with the person you are angry with or with yourself. Many times the person that has hurt us doesn’t know they hurt you or may not care that they hurt you and this stage may open you up to further hurt. Sometimes, the person doesn’t even want to talk about it. Or they might be believing that you hurt them! Worse still, they may no longer be living. Most conflicts lie in miscommunication or lack of it. You cannot solve anything without opening the lines of communication. This includes internal monologues. In a case where the other person involved is unavailable or not interested in talking it out, you must look inward. Ask yourself:- .Was it an overreaction on my part? .Did I handle that situation well? .Did I listen or hear out the person? .If you need to forgive yourself, the questions could be like this:- .Why did I do what I did? .Did I have a choice? .How can I make things right? Remember, this does not erase what has happened or create room for excuses. It should be a sincere search for answers. What happens if you don’t get the response you were hoping for from a person? Stage 5 — Moving On and Looking past the pain Forgiveness is not just a one-off act. It is a process of healing that takes time and effort. The person who has been wronged needs to take the first step to let go of the anger and resentment towards the person who wronged them, which is easier said than done. Forgiveness can also be hard for the person who has wronged someone because they need to acknowledge their wrongdoing and take responsibility for it before they can ask for forgiveness from the other party. But if they don’t, you have to move on. Moving on consists of choosing to move past the issue or moving on from both the issue and the person. Forgiveness can happen even in both scenarios. Why? Because Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what the person did is right or acceptable. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone what happened or forget it ever happened. Forgiveness simply means you are moving on with your life without being chained to the past. Forgiveness is for the forgiver not for the forgiven. While there are many things still to work on, like your emotions, this is where your forgiveness journey truly begins. “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” — Martin Luther King, Jr. To repair is to “put back together” to restore something to a good condition, and to “mend” This definition applies in the forgiveness journey too. Now you are firmly on the journey and you have to start mending your emotions, your attitude towards the person or persons involved, your reactions, and your feelings. If you have decided to keep the person in your life, your repair will include how you speak to them, not bringing up the now past issue, how you treat them, and even how they make you feel. Do you feel anxious? Take a break. Do you still feel some anger? Step away. One sure way to keep the person in your life is to remember all the good they have brought to your life. We tend to forget everything that has happened between us and the person we are forgiving and hold on to the bad. Take the time to jot down all the things you know are good about them. Focus on those and your attitude will begin to slowly mend. If you have decided to step back from the relationship and move on without them, the same outlook has to be used. Just because they will no longer be in your daily circle doesn’t mean you should not mend your emotions towards them. You will know you are healing when you can speak to a person or speak of a person without that anxiety or emotional breakdown. Final Stage — The Journey of forgiveness. Now that you are on the forgiveness floor and off the ladder, it’s important to list the benefits of healing from un-forgiveness. Reduced stress levels and overall improved mental health:- .Less anxiety .Better social exchanges and interactions .Repaired relationships .Activation of the “feel good” hormone production Spiritually, it is obvious that forgiveness is a pillar in most if not all religions. Matthew 6:15; “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” While religion has been used to pressure people to make decisional forgiveness, the bible is a rich resource of lessons on forgiveness and un-forgiveness. The Bible reminds us that we also have wronged and we need to be forgiven. We should learn to extend a willingness to forgive and start the journey, so we can keep our spiritual path to forgiveness open. If you are willing to do the tough work, you will see that forgiveness is possible. It is a catalyst for changing emotive situations into positivity. Even though the outcome may be different from what you expect, there is no denying that an emotional shift brought about by forgiveness will bring you closer to a better mindset and wellness. -------------------------------------------------------------- This article has also appeared on our Medium Page and part of it on our social media pages. Join our community! 7/8/2022 0 Comments 8 Tips For Mental Fitness#MindWeek Introduction If you feel like something is off, it probably is. Mental health issues can be debilitating and can negatively impact our lives if left untreated. The good news is that there are many ways to improve your mental well-being. We all have challenges in life, and it’s up to us on how we want to handle them. If you're feeling like something needs to change, then make small changes now rather than waiting until things are spiraling out of control. 1) With the right help, you can get over your mental health issues. It is also important to remember that you cannot control your own mind, but you can always control your actions. If someone has been through a traumatic experience and it has made them afraid or nervous about something, then it's best not to push them into doing something they might not be comfortable with. This could end up making things worse instead of better! Don’t be afraid to try new things…. If you want to improve your mental fitness, the changes you make should be effective and not too much of an adjustment for you. For example: if we're trying out some new exercises and you don't feel like working out at all because you're tired from work or schoolwork, you could try doing something that seeks relaxation rather than effort. For example, Meditation. And don’t worry -if you are new to meditation and don’t know where to start, there are many programs that can help you learn about it. Learning a new skill is an opportunity on its own and can train your mind to focus on the positive. Regular meditation helps with following:-
Get this FREE guide to Meditation here! 2) How about group therapy? In order to find the right support group for you, it's important to consider all the options. You may be surprised at what you find! For example, if you have an anxiety disorder, there are many people who can relate to your symptoms and understand how they make life feel so difficult at times. It's also important that these people are able to offer advice on how best to manage them in real life. Another option is joining a local therapy group where members meet regularly with their therapist(s) over time so they can learn more about themselves and each other’s experiences with mental health disorders such as depression or anxiety disorders. This type of setting allows members access not only professional treatment but also peer support from others who struggle with similar issues! 3) Say yes to people and activities that make you happy The first step in building mental fitness is being open to new experiences, people, ideas and opportunities. It’s important not only to say yes but also how often we say yes. If an invitation doesn’t feel right for you at the moment then politely decline it until a better time comes along (or until there is something else on your agenda). Be willing to be flexible as well; if it feels like something doesn’t quite fit into your schedule then don't feel obliged just because someone else has asked you out! If there's a particular activity or person that makes you feel good about yourself then consider doing it more often - not just when someone asks though... 4) Expect the unexpected! You should always plan for unexpected changes. When you make a schedule, add extra time to your schedule. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it! And don’t be afraid of changing your plans in order to go with the flow of things—even if it feels like someone else is calling all the shots, they're not always right, so why not take advantage of this opportunity? 5) Be open with a trusted person about your feelings and consider seeing a professional If you are struggling with mental illness, the first step is to realize that you can't handle it alone. You need to talk about your feelings and consider seeing a professional who can help guide you through this difficult time. It's not your fault: It's very common for people to blame themselves when their emotions run wild or they feel overwhelmed by stressful situations or difficult circumstances. It's important not only to recognize these feelings but also recognize that there are others who care about them and want them in their lives! 6) Work through past issues now to avoid larger problems later If you've experienced a period of emotional upheaval in your life, it's likely that you're still carrying some baggage from it. The question is: how much of it? The best approach is to work through past issues now so that they don't cause bigger problems later on. You can avoid putting yourself through mental turmoil by letting go of unrealistic expectations and perfectionism; instead, focus on enjoying the journey every day and working towards your goals as an individual person rather than as part of a team or company (or even just yourself!) 7) Don’t wait too long before contacting a professional if you feel you need help If you think you need help, don't wait until things get worse. Waiting too long can lead to crisis, in which case a professional may not be able to help. If you're struggling with mental fitness and feel like there's no way out of your current situation, then it's time for action! You won't get better unless you take action now and start building up those mental muscles again. Instead of waiting until the next crisis hits or until something horrible happens (like an accident), take steps today so that when those things do happen—and they will—you'll be ready for them! 8) Avoid mental turmoil This is largely self-inflicted because of high expectations and perfectionism. You don't have to be a perfect person, but you should strive for excellence in every area that you are involved in. You may already have some ideas about what would help you be more mentally fit: maybe it's getting more sleep or eating healthier foods; whatever it is, think about how those changes can be implemented into your life right now rather than waiting until they're in place. Conclusion The key takeaway here is that we need to start taking mental health seriously. And this means not just for ourselves, but also for others. When you reach out and help someone else with their mental health issues, they will feel grateful and might even learn something from it as well! Remember that no matter what kind of situation you're in right now - whether it's an anxiety attack or something else entirely - there are always people who can help us through difficult times. So don't be ashamed if you need help; instead let others know how much they mean to us all by opening up about our own struggles." Don't forget to Get this FREE guide to Meditation here! 7/7/2022 0 Comments Signs of Forced Affection#MINDWEEK
#mentalhealth #forcedaffection Did you know that you sometimes have been forced to show affection? Think of that relative you are forced to hug by your parents, or that birthday party at work you have to attend because they are your colleague, or being forced to sit on santa's lap.... Some forced interactions are listed below:- 1) Forced cheek kiss 2) Forced hugs 3) Forced sitting on laps 4) Forced handshakes 5) Forced playing / games 6) Forced social interactions It's okay to say #NO and to not feel like you are bad for it. Your personal space is important to your mental health! |
By Mary Medleyof Mind, Body & Spirit Archives
November 2022
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